The 2000’s so far have brought us what amounts to the greatest collection of moronic people, attitudes and platitudes, perhaps of all time. We can start with The Worst President of All Time and his Evil Henchmen of Doom. And we can fast forward through the miriad of crazed evangelicals, tea-baggers, cheating politicos, gay gay-bashers, reality shows and reality show media outlets and end up with Dana Perino, former press secretary to President George W (which stands for ‘Wuh?’) Bush. Her pronouncement on Fox News the other day when discussing the attempted attack on the Northwest Airlines flight was the single greatest attempt at rewritten history to date. She decided that there was not a single terrorist attack to occur during the previous Administration.
Now, I don’t qualify as a historian by any measure but it seems to me that I recall this small incident during her former boss’s reign, sometime closer to the beginning of the century. Seems to me it was around the end of summer and may have involved airplanes, buildings and a large city. Now I know only several thousand Americans died that day and to her, perhaps, that doesn’t qualify. Certainly an attempted attack can be considered terrorism. Apparently an actual attack doesn’t. This is the new world order. Someone should drag her into Times Square and play that video clip for New Yorkers and let them deal with her. Fuhgeddaboudit!
And I could sit here and wax poetic on the endless supply of ignornace. I could spin yarn after yarn on the media’s failings in the truth telling department. I shall not. If you don’t know, you might well have died and no one told you. Sorry for your luck! Google yourself, your obit may bring a tear! Or Bing George Bush and occupy the next two years with endless bullshit.
So as we turn the corner towards 2010 and beyond, we have discovered much on Mr. Obama. Rather than the radical risk taker many of us had hoped for, he is just a highly skilled orator and politician. While he may succeed in many areas, it does not appear he will bring any radical change to the culture of politics. Where is the man to call out the media whores? Where is the leader to broker real change? Where is the brazen attitude to face off Fox and all media to show their true colours to all?
Sadly, that man is Jon Stewart, still. And as much as I look forward to the intelligence and wit used to disarm the armies of darkness, he lacks the real muscle to bring those who conjure to their knees. Where is our saviour?
So here’s my 3 wishes for 2010 and beyond:
1) Jesus returns and smites all conservatives and evangelicals (a group I kindly refer to as Republicans). He then distributes their wealth to the poor and re-ascends to heaven in his space-faring 747 (ironically piloted by John Travolta – I got chills, they’re multiplyin’) which he had conveniently hidden in a pod in a volcano. As he flies past the Vatican, he lights the Popes Prada shoes on fire, creates the best Dan Brown novel ever with his exposure of the Vatican archives and uses the wealth of the Catholic church to feed the hungry for the next 200 years. Yay Jesus!
2) A mole in the Republican party becomes the next leader du jour and helps Obama destroy the Wall Street syndicate, abolish all lobbying, regulate voting boundaries, expose all lying politicians and media, educate the masses to recognize crap in all forms. The man will actually be a futuristic clone resembling Arnold Schwarzenegger who gleefully calls himself the Detonator and goes around blowing up every piece of crap he finds. Gay marriage and abortion funding will be federally mandated and the Republican Party will self destruct as two-thirds of the party comes out of the closet. Peace will reign forever more.
3) Within 50 years all politicians will be dead and rock stars will run the world. Bono’s brain will be cryogenically unfrozen and placed in much taller robot body with which he will run the earth as a collective where everyone works together and there are no poor or hungry. Songs will be used to analyze and solve all problems. The remaining 3 members of U2 will be launched into space where they will continue to make music that will keep peace in the galaxy for the next 3,250 years via a series of satellite links to their permanently powered instruments. I can’t tell you what happens after those 3,250 years. I’d have to kill you. Bob Geldof will become Bono’s Vice-Supreme Coolness where he will take over once Keith Richard’s body disolves to dust at the age of 157.
Dream big I always say! And a Happy New Year to all!