You sit in a room, looking relaxed,
Fingers splayed on your knee
Your unseen fingers clenched in a fist held so tight the nails could make your palms bleed
But who can see?
The smile on your face belies how you feel
The picture of joy a mask
Your internal ghost has clenched teeth and thinned lips
Every breath a task
Your eyes have those smile lines that everyone loves
They don’t know
The second you look away the gaze becomes unfocused and internal
All for show
Arms wide and legs long and crossed
Serene and sweet
Inside your arms are crossed holding tight, legs pulled up
Not what you want nor what you need
It is how you are and you’re afraid to show
It shouldn’t be like this but it is
And it is what you know
Is it you? Is it me? Is it all of us? Is it life?
Is it damage? Is it physical, chemical or rust?
Sure but it’s hard when
It’s your own mind you can’t trust
The fight feels endless and hopeless in moments
The tension is real and the darkness manifests.
You are drawn taut and vibrating
Is it just a test?
It’s hard to look for light in pure dark
But you try and try
Most days it’s for them and not so much for you
You need to know it’s okay to cry
Feeling worthy, when feeling worthless, is hard
Society makes feeling like shit feel like sin
So much of the time it feels like you’re losing
The constant fight to win
Sharing and being honest is not weak
We feel like a burden and we’re done.
We can be there for each other and should
Let’s bring each other up into the sun
It can be so hard and the road so long
The path to joy needs you to persist
You may not know happy today
But getting there is hard to resist
Hang on tight
To yourself and those around you
Know together we can make it there
Take my hand and let’s see what we can do